A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...

How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?

Black holes are where God divided by zero.

It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.

Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.

We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.

The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.

Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.

The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.

A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.

To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.

Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.

Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.

The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.

Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.

If you are going through hell, keep going.

I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.